Our Sweet Angel

Our Sweet Angel

Monday, April 1, 2013

Happy Birthday My Sweet Baby

Aloha my Sweet Baby.  I miss you so much.  It’s been such an amazing month of transition for our little family.  Though I know you were with us all month and on my shoulder during Daddy’s first triathlon I find myself in such a tough spot on this special day. 
I just can’t accept that you're not coming back.  It’s so hard to think about all of the good with you while my heart hurts with each beat.  I know in my mind you are ok but my heart is just hurting and misses you so darn much.  It’s amazing how much I think about you and still cry when I see your art “projects”.   I still remember every stroke of the paint brush and smile on your face when you and Daddy created something so special.   One of the hardest things to look at is your Princess Bike…it reminds me of your love filled eyes and courage to never stop trying.   The eyes that would speak volumes without words.  The eyes that would light up my heart in seconds. The eyes that were so deep and so brilliant.  I just miss it all.  I have been doing good recently but every day is still rough.  My biggest fear is people will forget you someday and say “I remember that girl”.  When a parent only has memories of their child the thought of forgetting them haunts them.  My thoughts and prayers are now...."Please do not let me ever go a day without remembering my “Tough Little Princess”.  The same is true when I think of people forgetting you.  At last week’s Lava Man Triathlon, over 1,500 athletes and countless more friends and family now know who you are and what you fought for but will they remember you.  
On the day of your 6th birthday….another day to celebrate and miss your life.

I wish I could return to this picture and accept that dance again and again. Love you. Care for you. Be there for you. It's one of my favorite pictures.  I know that won’t happen but I have to go there right now.  That moment in your eyes right before we danced together.  I hear you saying “dance with me daddy”.  I feel your hands in mine. I feel your little feet stepping on my toes. I smell your sweet smell. I feel your body snuggling to mine as we take a “dip” at the end of the song.  
I thank all that I believe in for you and pray for you.  I miss you my sweet baby.  I hope someday you visit my dreams. I will continue to look for you in the sights and sounds that show themselves during each day.  I know you are here with us!!!!

Miss you tons…love you more…see you in a blink of an eye.  I promise!
Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet baby girl.