Our Sweet Angel

Monday, April 1, 2013

Happy Birthday My Sweet Baby




Aloha my Sweet Baby.  I miss you so much.  It’s been such an amazing month of transition for our little family.  Though I know you were with us all month and on my shoulder during Daddy’s first triathlon I find myself in such a tough spot on this special day. 
I just can’t accept that you're not coming back.  It’s so hard to think about all of the good with you while my heart hurts with each beat.  I know in my mind you are ok but my heart is just hurting and misses you so darn much.  It’s amazing how much I think about you and still cry when I see your art “projects”.   I still remember every stroke of the paint brush and smile on your face when you and Daddy created something so special.   One of the hardest things to look at is your Princess Bike…it reminds me of your love filled eyes and courage to never stop trying.   The eyes that would speak volumes without words.  The eyes that would light up my heart in seconds. The eyes that were so deep and so brilliant.  I just miss it all.  I have been doing good recently but every day is still rough.  My biggest fear is people will forget you someday and say “I remember that girl”.  When a parent only has memories of their child the thought of forgetting them haunts them.  My thoughts and prayers are now...."Please do not let me ever go a day without remembering my “Tough Little Princess”.  The same is true when I think of people forgetting you.  At last week’s Lava Man Triathlon, over 1,500 athletes and countless more friends and family now know who you are and what you fought for but will they remember you.  
On the day of your 6th birthday….another day to celebrate and miss your life.

I wish I could return to this picture and accept that dance again and again. Love you. Care for you. Be there for you. It's one of my favorite pictures.  I know that won’t happen but I have to go there right now.  That moment in your eyes right before we danced together.  I hear you saying “dance with me daddy”.  I feel your hands in mine. I feel your little feet stepping on my toes. I smell your sweet smell. I feel your body snuggling to mine as we take a “dip” at the end of the song.  
I thank all that I believe in for you and pray for you.  I miss you my sweet baby.  I hope someday you visit my dreams. I will continue to look for you in the sights and sounds that show themselves during each day.  I know you are here with us!!!!

Miss you tons…love you more…see you in a blink of an eye.  I promise!
Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet baby girl.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Who do YOU Race For??

Below is a letter that Heather and I sent to our Lava Man team mates today.  For those of you who do not know, 17 people joined together to form Team Carmen to raise money for LLS and complete the Lava Man Triathlon.

To learn about the race and to follow us next Sunday March 24, visit:

 http://www.lavamantriathlon.com/waikoloa/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Aloha Team Carmen,

We are just over a week away from the Lava Man.

Heather and I wanted to take a moment to let you know how proud we are of all of you for taking on this challenge in Carmen's Honor.

As we approach race day, we will all go through different emotions - nervousness, excitement, anticipation and in some cases fear. 

Regardless of how you are feeling about this race you should be holding your head high because you are all champions - even before you take one stroke, one peddle or one step.

You all embarked on this challenge back in December to raise $27,000 for LLS in the name of Carmen Leolani White.   And you did it!!!

If you have any doubts at this point, allow me to remind you exactly who you are racing for. 

Our 5 year old daughter, Carmen Leolani White, was full of pure love, joy, bliss and above all was incredibly strong.  After she was diagnosed with Leukemia in May 2011, she never once complained.   She never once said she was tired, or she could not do it, or she had a cramp, or she was too hot.  Right up until Carmen became an angel in October, she woke up everyday with a smile on her face, a jump in her step and a determined spirit to kick Cancer's ASS!!! 

You think about this little girl next week when you are feeling tired.  You think about this when complaints enter your head.   You think about this when you think you can not do it and want to quit. 

You think about this not only for Carmen but for every kid out there who battles Cancer who would LOVE to be Swimming, Biking and Running right along side of you.

This is who YOU are racing for. 

You are doing this for our daughter and for the parents everywhere who have lost a part of their soul.

This is not just a race for Heather and I.  This is not about our time, or the accomplishment or even to raise money for LLS.

This race is about making Carmen proud.  To show our little baby that we can fight too.

I know Carmen will be on each of your shoulders next Sunday guiding you to the finish line.   Talk to her, laugh with her and show her that together we can kick Cancers ASS one step at a time.

There are going to be over 500 people racing as part of Team in Training next weekend.   They all race for their own reasons.

Let's show them how strong Team Carmen is!!!!!!

In closing, I would like to let you know that you have inspired more than just Heather and myself.   The Lava Man Race Director called me today, to let me know that they have heard of Team Carmen and will be dedicating the entire 2013 Lava Man Waikaloa to Carmen Leolani White and to all members of Team Carmen who race for her.

You are champions!!!!  You are warriors!!!!! 

Love and light

Chris, Heather and Trevor  (Team White + 1 in Heaven)






Sunday, March 3, 2013

An Angel Smiling on Us

Aloha everyone,

It has been so long since our last post.

We are doing the best we can, living moment to moment.   There is comfort knowing our little girl is still with us, in a different way keeping us strong.  Her love surrounds us everyday.  

Our spiritual journey is taking us to places we never thought possible and although we desperately wish to have  our little girl to hold tight we know in our heart she is where she needed to be.   Her love and light shines over all us.

Our life now is about moving forward.  Not moving on.  And that's okay. 

Trevor keeps us laughing and extremely busy. 

Heather and I are training for the Lava Man Triathalon on March 24th.   Carmen is the honorary angel for the entire race.   Team Carmen is made up of 17 people is working hard to raise $27,000 for Leukemia Lymphoma Society's, Team in Training

Check out our Team Carmen page:



Below are just a few images and video's. 




An angel smiling on us.  We miss you every second.
 


"Ummmm.....Dad.......I got this"


Fore!!!!


Look at that form.  That's my boy!!!
   Doesn't every 4 year old have a pyramid of golf balls stacked for them???




After a tough day on the range.  Chillaxin at the Four Seasons.  


Planting Carmen's Koa Tree

Daddy and Trevor taking it all in


Carmen's Koa Tree.  There were no other yellow flowers to be seen anywhere else in the area, except beside where Carmen's tree was planted.


 Trevor with the lone Kona Tree.   The highlands of the Island of Hawaii are on the slopes of Mauna Kea at 4,700 feet above sea level.  It was the site of the ancient Hawaiian Koa Forest.  Koa was used to build war canoes and is considered sacred to the Hawaiian people.   The tree represent Power and Strength.  Certainly a fitting tribute to TLP.


Trevor first time at bat.  Gazoo

video

Big Hitter

video

This is how T Bone Rolls!!!!!


Believe in Christmas


Road side Bootaaaayyy Scratch


Flat Robert at our favorite beach


Aloha

Love and Light

Team White


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

"Love, Joy and Happiness".......A humble request.



This blog has been a wonderful place to document Carmen Leolani's journey through her Leukemia fight.  We feel so grateful to have so many people loving and supporting Carmen since May 2011.  Your love and generosity toward our T.L.P. is truly beautiful.

As the blog progressed it took on a different life, growing into something more than a place to communicate the status of Carmen's fight.  It became a source of inspiration to many, showing how a little girl facing adversity can live with "Love, Joy and Happiness" every day of her life.

Now, we are embarking on a challenge to tell Carmen's story to a far wider audience and we need your help.   We believe in our soul that this is something Carmen needs us to accomplish.

At this point, we are not sure where this path will lead us.  We just know that we must attempt to continue telling Carmen's story to as many people who will listen.  

I believe you will all agree that now, more than ever, the world needs to embrace Carmen's passion for Love, Joy and Happiness.

All of you are part of the Team White Ohana.  Carmen loved to be surrounded by her friends and family more than anything.  All of you supported Carmen throughout her fight with your love and devotion.    You are part of Carmen's soul group and we want and need you to be part of this journey.

Please send us your words, thoughts and vision to define.....

"Love, Joy and Happiness"


What do these words mean to you? 

Your words can relate to Carmen but they do not have to.  They only need to be from your heart.

We would love to hear YOUR story of how you or your families life has been changed since learning of Carmen's diagnosis.  Are you living your life differently, thinking differently, believing differently?  We are certainly very different people than we were May 25, 2011.  We welcome any dreams with Carmen or experiences you have had where you felt she was "there with you" since her passing.

We want to hear any experience which you feel has been profound in your life.

Also, most of Carmen's friends are still at the age where they are open.  We would love to hear what your children are telling you about Carmen.  We hope you are encouraging this extremely healthy and expressive talk from them.  She is still with them, she is with all of us.

Our goal is to gather the words from the people who love Carmen the most to define what she believed from her first breath to her last.  

Send your words to;   chriswhite4@gmail.com - or - h.white@yahoo.com, or text us, facebook message, send a letter 73-4686 Hina Lani Street, Kailua Kona, Hawaii, 96740, or even sky write it!

Your stories can be anonymous if you like.

Please try your best to send us your words by January 30, 2013.

Mahalo Nui Loa for your help and Happy New Year!

Love Team White

Friday, November 9, 2012

A Celebrated Life

Aloha Dear Friends and Family,

We are all one, we are all connected.  Each of you has touched our life profoundly and we are better people for your love, strength and community.

In her five and a half years on earth, Carmen taught us more wonderful things than we ever knew possible.

Chris and I shared a thought with each other recently, if someone would have told us what the future held for us upon learning we were going to have a baby - and given us the choice to have nothing at all - or to have Carmen, the lessons, the love, the giggles and snuggles, the Leukemia diagnosis the journey through her fight and ultimately her passing....we would do it over and over again.

We are forever changed by having children, we are forever changed by receiving the first blow from her Leukemia diagnosis and now even more we are forever changed by not having our sweet girl to kiss goodnight anymore...

We are going to keep searching for the joy, strength, compassion and love which will be what we are left with.

We love you all so much and wish you much Aloha - A Hui Ho - till we meet again

Team White

(Written to greet everyone who attended the Squamish, B.C. Celebration of Life for Carmen November 9, 2012)

Below are a collections of images and highlights of Carmen's four "Celebrations of Life"


Four Seasons Resort Hualalai
Island of Hawaii
Monday October 15th

Located at Four Seasons Resort Hualalai's "Kumakea Beach".  Attended by our closest family and friends from Portland, California, British Columbia and Ontario, along side of our new friends from Kona and special friends visiting from Kauai and Oahu.  The Four Seasons was one of Carmen's favorite places during our short time on the island of Hawaii.  Our family lived at the hotel for two weeks during our transition from Kauai and Carmen and Trevor made themselves at home at the fun pools and wonderful beach.  Uncle Earl Regidor blessed our family by presiding over the ceremony, graciously guiding Heather and I through the evening.  Many touching memories of Carmen were shared.  The sunset lit the sky up in a stunning hue of pink, while one of 4 turtles resting on the beach accompanied us to the water and gently slipped below the surface as Heather, Trevor and I entered to empty a heart shaped box into the beautiful Pacific.

I would like to repeat a quote shared during the celebration by our dear friend Corey Smith.  Heather and I have leaned on the wisdom of this quote several times over the last month.  To us, this quote speaks volumes to how Carmen lived and how we should all live to honor her;

“The sin of inadvertence, not being alert, not quite awake, is the sin of missing the moment of life – live with unremitting alertness.” 
                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                by Joseph Campbell










Hualalai Academy
Carmen's Garden
Thursday October 18th

As parents, we do the best we can to make the right choices for our children.  The choice that Heather and I made to send Carmen to Hualalai Acadamy has been, without a doubt, one of the best decisions we have ever made.  From the day Carmen started Kindergarten in August she lit up with joy.  She would wake up every day excited to see her classmates and her wonderful teachers, Ms. Flowers and Ms. Hernandez (Ms. H).   And of course.....there was Oliver........Carmen's love at first sight. :-)

Though we are new to the Hualalai Academy ohana we were embraced with immediate love and support.

I recall, Ms. Flowers (Tina), sitting with me on our lanai, Monday October 15th, asking me if it would be okay if the school created a garden in honor of Carmen.  In my mind and I believe most peoples mind, this garden was going to be a small, yet touching, space dedicated to Carmen.

What occurred was something very different.  In just three short days, the Hualalai Academy ohana rallied their love, sweat and tears to create an amazing remembrance to Carmen.  The whole experience absolutely took our breath away and we can not thank you enough for your generosity, support and love.

And most of all....thank you for embracing Trevor as an honorary Hualalai Academy student.


The memorial bench in Carmen's Garden, overlooking the K-1 classrooms


See the "Dazzle Card", hanging from the bench.  Carmen 'looooved" her dazzle cards, awarded for being an exceptional little student.


Carmen's class each contributed something special for Carmen


St. Regis Princeville Resort
Kauai
Wednesday October 24

Words can not adequately describe how Heather and I feel about Kauai.   It has called our name twice already.  We fell in love on Kauai back in 2000, moved our little family of three back to Kauai in April 2008 and welcomed our baby Trevor in July 2008.   The friendships we made on Kauai will last our lifetime and who knows.....maybe three times is a charm. :-)  

Carmen's Celebration took place at St. Regis Princeville Resort, attended by our closest friends.   The celebration was presided over by our dear friends Coppin Colburn and Chris Spencer.   It was a beautiful evening, with a gorgeous Hanalei sunset.

The ohana of St. Regis Princeville, lead by our dear friend Milton Sgarbi, bestowed an incredible honor in memory of Carmen by re-naming the beach where the ceremony took place;

 "Leolani Cove"

In our humble opinion Leolani Cove, is the most beautiful place on the island of Kauai - which - makes it one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Only fitting for our Tough Little Princess.


The stunningly beautiful view from Leolani Cove


Love


....and last but certainly not least

The Royal Hawaiian Hotel 
"The Pink Hotel"
Oahu
Thursday November 1st

Of all the celebrations, Heather and I agreed that this was the toughest.  

As many of you remember, the Pink Hotel is where we stayed immediately following Carmen's diagnosis.   During this time, as she always did, Carmen impacted the lives of so many.  Each subsequent visit, was a chance for Carmen to reunite with the wonderful ambassadors of the Royal Hawaiian Hotel.   Never in all my years working in hotels have I experienced the genuine care and devotion that the staff of Royal Hawaiian gave to Carmen.

The soul purpose of our time spent at the Royal Hawaiian was to help Carmen forget why she was in Oahu.   Every opportunity was made to ensure Carmen enjoyed her "get-a-aways" with Mommy (and sometimes Daddy) to the "Pink Hotel" so that our visits to the PAU clinic were only a quick part of the visit.

A small group of dear friends gathered at sunset on the beach in front of the Royal Hawaiian.   After we shared memories - Heather, Trevor and myself paddled off shore in an Outrigger Canoe to spread flowers and Carmen's ashes.   As we were paddling back to shore, Carmen made sure that we caught an epic wave, effortlessly propelling the canoe toward the beach in grace and style.


The trip also gave us some time to visit Carmen's favorite places at the Honolulu Zoo and Aquarium


Paddling out.  That is Trevor's little head right over my shoulder


Beautiful Waikiki and Diamond Head


I would like to share a video of Carmen.  It is a video from December 2011, of her dancing on a small stage in front of a full Beach Tree restaurant at Four Seasons Resort Hualalai.  

Although heart breaking this video helps us remember that Carmen was quite simply a beacon of love and joy.  She loved unconditionally, lived life to the fullest and has earned her fairy wings.  

"Twinkle Twinkle" our sweet baby.   We love you Carmen

video












Friday, October 19, 2012

Kauai Ohana - Celebration of Carmen's Life

To Our Kauai Ohana
We would be honored to have you with us as we celebrate Carmen Leolani White.

Wednesday October 24th
4:45pm
St. Regis Princeville Resort
"Secret Cove"

Carmen's first time swimming in the ocean was off the beach of St. Regis Princeville.  From those moments on, Carmen always felt most comfortable in the water.  

During our families time on Kauai, the beach of the St. Regis was a special spot to share a quiet sunset or a dip in the ocean after a busy day.   St. Regis Princeville brought tremendous joy to Carmen and it is only fitting that the "Tough Little Princess" is celebrated at "daddy's hotel".

As Carmen loved the color Pink, please feel free to wear pink or show pink in some way.

"Secret Cove" is to your far right as you face the ocean.  Please join us at 4:45pm.  

Following the celebration, we will gather in the Hanalei Suite (8th floor, off lobby) for light pupu's and refreshments to continue to share memories and toast Carmen's beautiful life.


Love Heather, Chris and Trevor White

Monday, October 15, 2012

Carmen's Makana (Gift)

Heather and I would like to thank everyone for your words of support and encouragement through Facebook, phone and text.   This is such an incredibly painful time for our family but we wanted you all to know that we are hearing and feeling your kind words.   Please know that Heather, Trevor and myself are surrounded by a strong group of friends and family helping us during this time.

Many of you are asking Heather and I what you can do for our family during this time.

I would like to share a story with all of you that has inspired us to express how we would like to honor our sweet baby Carmen.

Since Carmen's diagnosis, in May 2011, our family has been incredibly blessed with overwhelming support and generosity.  This support not only helped Carmen to receive the best treatment possible, it also helped to provide her with little moments of joy and delight. 

One of these acts of generosity came to our family from a person who we knew was not able to comfortably provide a gift.  Despite our best attempts to return the gift, she would not listen and said that if her support was able to make Carmen smile it was well worth it.

We cautiously accepted the gift but knew there was another purpose.

During one of Carmen's many visits to the PAU clinic to receive treatment, Heather became involved in a conversation with two Grandparents, Christine and Ben, who were the devoted primary caregivers for a young boy, named Jaeden, also fighting Leukemia.   It was clear to Heather, that Christine and Ben did not have the same level of support that we had, yet were doing everything they could to educate themselves on ways to best treat Jaeden, as well as, provide him with the best life possible.

Without hesitation, Heather sent a $300 gift to Christine and Ben with a beautiful note of encouragement.

Several months went by, when Heather received a call from Christine thanking her for the gift.  With all the mail and medical records that compile Christine was not aware that Heathers card included the gift.   Christine was searching through her files and looking over her finances trying to find ways to meet their most recent round of co-payments for Jaeden's treatment when the check from Heather fell from the card.

Our vision is to set up a small fund that we can use to provide caring, devoted families of children fighting leukemia with a makana (gift) from Carmen when they need it most.

We will lean on the incredible medical team of the Kapiolani Hospital PAU clinic to let Heather and I know when they see a family that meets this description.

Once these families become known to us we will reach out to them personally to share Carmen Leolani White's incredible journey, while providing them with a small Gift (Makana).

Our only stipulation will be that the family must strive to live, laugh and love just like Carmen did everyday of her life.

Heather and I will be focused on bringing "Carmen's Makana" to a reality.  

Everyone reading this, has already provided us with so much love, support and generosity that you should not feel that you have to do anything.   We are only sharing our vision with you because some of you are asking.

The "Paypal" feature in the blog is still active and the easiest way to participate in Carmen's Makana.   Or....send to us at our home address.  73-4686 Hina Lani Street, Kailua-Kona, HI 96740

"Carmen's Makana", will perpetuate Carmen's courage for as long as we possibly can.

Love Team White



Carmen's Makana